Tuesday, March 25, 2014

That Man

I had never seen a man like him before. After all that happened to me, I started finding peace in talking to him. Although in the beginning he knew nothing about me but we’d talk, for hours together, mainly discussing his problems, his girl, not much about my life but even then, it was good to have someone to talk to. It was a lot better than brooding over the break-up I had just had, it was a lot better than to think about being used by people, it was better, a lot better than what those ugly thoughts brought me. All this was better than the pain I was suffering since the past few months. Our major part of conversation and cause of concern during those days happened to be her. She was his love, his first love and I knew how special she was for him. He somehow had this gut feeling that she was going away from him, he knew that she was with her for sake of being in a relationship but her heart wasn’t into it.

I was confused and helpless all the time at that time. Every day, in the evening, all he’d talk about was she. And then, one day, out of the blue, he told me that wanted me, not her. I was shocked. That was a tough time for me. While there were men who had betrayed me earlier and played with my feelings, this man wanted to be with me even after being hundreds of kilometers away from me. This was extremely confusing for me, how could he love two people at the same time. He himself didn’t know what was happening but I stayed on with him, still unsure of what I was doing. After some months of uneasiness and hope, he and she were over. I was at peace now, I was the only girl in his life.

For two years I stayed with him, listening to everything he said, agreeing to everything he said, taking in his possessiveness, forgoing my own desires for him, not certain things just because he didn’t find them right, until I lost the strength. I had become his slave at one point of time, he’d abuse me like anything, he’d fuck me for hours together but I didn’t say anything thinking we were meant to be. I stopped talking to all my male friends simply because he didn’t like it. And even after that, I was blamed for infidelity. All this killed me from inside and then one fine day, I slept with my best friend. Later on fell for him even but we let it go because he was the man I had always been with.

He came to know about my deed and left no stone unturned to make me feel like a slut. He blamed me non-stop, it was my mistake afterall. I was the one who had cheated on him but he forgot that it was he who had made me do all of it. Even after all this, he didn’t let me go. He wanted to have me and I stayed on. In one year’s time, I thought things had finally taken better shape until he started behaving erratically. His phone was always on wait and when it wasn’t, it went unnoticed. And then one fine day, we broke up again blaming me for the cause. Six months after my break-up, I get to know he had told about me cheating on him to some girl and got into a relationship with her alongwith me. May be, he tried the same technique he had applied with me. Now he was with the new girl, wooing her like he did for me, may be he was fucking her, fooling around with her, showing her much he loved her which makes him get physical with her, telling her that his love for her makes him go possessive for her, sucking out the life out of her. He’d do the same thing with her too, just the way he did with me and finally, when she’ll raise voice, he’ll blame her for everything and then they will separate and the decision would definitely be taken by her, again he getting out of relationship without any blots and crimes. He was indeed a different person, not because he did things the weird way but because, he made me emotionless like never before.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014


Holi ka tyohaar abhi abhi nikla hai par na jane kyu har baar ki tarah kuch adhura sa lga is baar. Har rang me tumko dhundne ki koshish ki, tum kehte the na ki laal mujh par bhot fabta hai aur ittefaaq to dekho lga bhi gulaal wahi. Jane kyu itne sare rango mein ek laal hi sabse hat kar dikh rha tha. Khud ko ayene me dekha to paya ki tum sahi the, laal rang sach mein bhot jachta hai. Par humesha ki tarah tumhara subah subah phone ni aya, humesha ki tarah tumne badhaai nahi di, humesha ki tarah tumne nahi kaha ki, "Moti, kuch mithai bacha lio mere liye."

Shayad kuch bacha hai humare beech, shayad ek naata hai jo chah k bhi nahi toot-ta. Shayad isiliye tumne call kia, ek baar nhi 7 baar par na jaane kyu himmat nhi hui tumse baat krne ki. Kyu karu main tumse baat, jab tumko meri zarurat hogi tb aaoge aur jab mann krega chale jaoge. Tumne hi usko chuna tha, tumne hi mera rasta chodha tha na to fir ab kyu? Kyu un ghav ko gehra karne ajate ho?

Jante ho na ki tumhare pyaar se kahin zyada humari dosti ka mahatv tha mere liye. Tumhe mujhse behtar pyaar mila maine seh lia, maine sab zindagi ka hissa bna lia, maine is badmaash mann ko bhi mana lia, mushkil tha par kia. Fir kyu tum ek baar fir is banjar dil ko baarish ki aasha dena chahte ho? Kyu mujhe uljha ke rakhte ho?

Jawaab to zindagi ne kabhi nahi diye to fir iska bhi hal milna mushkil lagta hai.Shayad wo upar se dekh rha, shaayad wo bhi samajh nahi paa rha ki aakhir kia bhi jaye to kya. Shayad is waqt humara milna sambhav nhi par kabhi na kabhi milenge zarur, kabhi kisi dusre janam mein! Tab tak ke liye apna khayal mere sabse pyaare dost...

Tumhari shayad ab apni nhi rhi..


Sunday, March 2, 2014


Kabhi kabhi zindagi aise dorahe par khada kar deti hai ki samajh nahi ata ki akhir kare bhi to kya, ek raah uski or hai jise dil ne apna mana aur doosri or wo manzil jisne is dil ko apnaya. Kya kru, aise asmanjas me phansi hu ki na kadam agey badh pate hain na piche jane ki himmat juta pati hu...Aur ek aise hi lamhe me yaad ate ho tum, humesha ki tarah. Jab bhi koi khalal si machti thi dil aur dimag mein, ek tum hi to the jo sare uljhano ka hal nikalte the. Par kya karu ab tum bhi ni, tum bhot agey badh gye aur main...main rehti to vartman mein hu par kabhi kabhi yunhi tumhari yaadon mein kho jaana acha lgta hai.

Aur fir tumhari tasveer par nazar na chahte huye bhi pad hi jati hai aur ehsaas hota h ki kitne door ho gye hain hum. Tum mere apne the, haina? Phir kyu is tasveer mein bhi anjaan se dikhte ho. Yahi sawaal khada uthta hai mann mein par kuch jawab nahi milta, shayad mujhe kabhi zindagi hal dena nahi chahti isliye yahi sahi.

Par na jane kyu tumko sirf laptop k screen par dekh kar hi dil halka sa lagne lagta hai, na jane kyu office ki tension aur sari adchane apneaap asaan lagne lagti aur phir mann mein khayal ata hai tum humesha mere paas ho, bhale hi iss zindagi mei hum ek sath nahi par shayad kisi pal kabhi milenge zarur.. 



Tuesday, February 18, 2014

That Cup of Coffee

"Would you like to chat over a cup of coffee?" I asked my first crush. Since the day I fell for her, I could never gather the courage to ask her out but today, I had to. It was our last day at school and in a matter of two days, I'd be going away from Mussorie forever. She was a local resident but I had to go back to Mumbai, that was where home was. Dad wanted me back with him.
"May be some other time, I have to go," she replied.
I wanted to explain out to her that I'd never get to meet her again. I wanted to tell her how much I pined for her, I wanted to express her my love, shouldn't she know I had fallen for her six years back?
"Okay, bye! It was nice having you as company. Hope we stay connected after school too," I said. I didn't have to say this. I should have told her but damn, I just couldn't utter those words.
She left and I kept standing there for long, as if my legs had frozen.
Six years later, I was sitting at Barista at Andheri trying to get myself away from files and meetings when my eyes met a beautiful girl sitting next to my table. I knew her, she resembled someone.
Before I could get my brains thinking, she came running to me.
"Armaan, how are you? Long time. Remember me? Aisha from Mussorie," she said, all in one tone, she was excited I could tell.
I had finally got a chance to chat with her over cups of coffee. May be, this time was meant to be 'our some other time'. May be, this time I could tell what I couldn't in the past twelve years.

Friday, January 17, 2014


"I guess I am pregnant," she said.
"What? Yet another tension on my head," he replied.
"I was just kidding baby," she said.
"Thank God, come here and give me a hot French kiss," he replied.

What had her life come to, she was going to experience one of the best moment of her life but it had all shattered in a second.

Two weeks later they killed her foetus leaving her like she was some months back but deep inside, she died alongwith the child whose father may have never accepted him/her.

Through this conversation, all I wish to let people know is that if you have no plans to take her as your wife, then please don't destroy her from the core. And for girls, please don't get into pressure or get involved with a guy whom you don't see as the father of your kids.

Thank you!

Goodnight readers

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Last Night

Image Courtesy: Google

"I am afraid to close my eyes, what if I never wake up again," she said.
"Ssshh! Just go to sleep baby, my love won't take you away from me," he replied.
"Samyak, I'm going through my last days. The doc just told yesterday that I could be gone anytime."
"When medicines don't work, it's love that begins to heal you. Didn't they say the same two months back too but see, you are still here talking to me?"
"Probably, you are right but if incase, I sleep forever tonight I want you to know that we'll meet in the next birth and stay together forever," she said as tears welled up her eyes.
"You don't have to say that baby. Now go to sleep," he squeezed her hand as he tried to control his emotions.
Together they slept hoping their love would win.

Next morning, they took her lifeless body leaving him alone forever. Destiny won but they didn't lose either but at times, it's just the love that unites, not the lovers.

<3 <3

Monday, January 13, 2014

The Silent Walk

The sun shone way too brightly and everything seemed to hurt. Aahh! I had just broken my this year's resolution, I had drunk like crazy yet again and it was one of those painful hangover I was experiencing. I looked for my cell-phone, it was switched off. I guess, I didn't create a ruckus again by calling up Shwetank, my once upon a time ex I'd still not got over of. I switched it on only to find out that it was already nine and I had just thirty min to freshen up, get ready and reach office. Holy shit! This was totally impossible. I ran out of my bed and brushed my teeth. I looked at myself, I was still dressed in last night's attire. I grabbed an overcoat lying on my bed and wore my boots, locked the door just to catch the cab on time.

Inside, everyone greeted me with a good morning. I just felt like shouting 'fuck you' on their faces but I resisted.

"Seems like someone had a nice time last night," said Anushka as she tried to study me from head to toe.
"Yeah! Indeed, slept with a hot guy I met at the pub," I shot back.

Before I got some other comment, I started combing my hair.

"Stop fooling around, you look so drained out. Why did you drink again?" Shubham called out from the back seat.

I ignored his comment and went on with lining my eyes with kohl. He noticed it but didn't question anything. I hurriedly applied lip gloss and sprayed some deo. Nobody could guess I hadn't taken a bath and had just had a rash night but then I didn't much of remember anything.

We reached office and everyone started off with their work after exchanging of pleasantries. Rohit and Ila asked if I wanted to join them for breakfast. I declined and preferred to stay back with the small cabin my office had provided me with. I called up our cafeteria guy to prepare some strong coffee for me, it was going to my only saving grace today.

I looked at the schedule, a few candidates were expected to arrive today for an interview. For the first time in my I regretted about the fact that I was an HR. Uptil now, I found it the best option as a girl. By the time it was 11 am, I was informed that the first candidate had arrived. As I prepared myself for this Ashish Gupta, I heard a knock at the door.

"Hi Ashish, please have a seat."
"Hello Ma'am," he replied and I kicked off with my first question.

After the session was done and he was about to depart, he turned around and asked, "May I ask you something."
"Yeah, sure."
"Do you really don't remember me or is it because you are right now at work so do not wish to greet me in a personal way?"
"Uhh!! Have we met before? I'm sorry but I don't seem to recognize you," I replied with a questioning expression.
"We met at the pub last night, you had asked me for a lift back home. Probably, you were a little too high, it's totally understandable that you don't remember me."
And suddenly a blurred picture came in my mind.
"Oh! Was it you? The yellow jacket guy?" I asked.
"Yes, it was me. Anyway, nice meeting you. Have a nice day." he replied and shut the door.

After consultation with the manager of the IT department, the company selected Ashish Gupta, the yellow jacket guy. Thirty days later, I found him at the office gates and it almost became a routine to smile back at him everytime we saw each other. We'd mostly bump into each other during smoking breaks as Samar being a common friend took us along together. But then, it was just the regular pleasantries we shared and nothing else.

One day, after we were done with the birthday celebrations of Samar at the cafeteria Ashish barged into my cabin without even a knock. He found me teary eyed, somehow that day I was missing Shwetank too much. He left without a word but soon enough, I received a message from him.

Free tonight? 

I really thought it was a little weird kind of a message but replied.

Yeah, why?

My phone beeped.

Felt like asking you out :)

I was feeling down so this was much needed and replied instantly.

Where to?

All I wished for was company tonight.

Nowhere special, just a walk at CP

Just the perfect place to be, I thought.

Okay! I'll be there at Rajiv Chowk metro by 8 pm

The day went smoothly and I left in the first trip of the cab itself without waiting for Shubham or Anushka. I reached home, took a shower and dressed up. Since I was down, I didn't work out much on my looks and clothes, I wore just what my eyes caught sight of. I have always been punctual so by the time it was 8 pm, I was already standing at the metro station. I was just about to give him a call when I saw my flashing his message asking me to wait for him at CCD. How bad, now a girl will have to wait for a guy. Anyway, I reached the cafe only to find it jam packed. I was just wondering about the next thing to do when someone pat my back. I turned around to see that it was him.

"Hey!" I greeted.
"Hi! I am sorry for being late."
"It's alright," I replied with a smile.
"Let's get out of here," he said and I followed him.

Somehow, we fell short of words after the few run off the mill conversations dealing with office and Samar, our mutual friend. We walked in silence for a long long time, had ice cream in silence followed by a coffee in silence. Even though we walked in silence, there was some connection between us I was loving. I just didn't have to speak up for the sake of talking. He stayed with me even when we didn't talk much.

"You loved him a lot, didn't you?" he asked all of a sudden.
"Yeah," I replied.
"He didn't meet you the day after you were drunk?" he asked with a question in his eyes.
"No, why would he?"
"You were drunk that night and had called him up infront of me and asked him to meet you the next day. In fact he had promised you he'd come."
"Oh! Is it? Anyway, how does it even matter? He doesn't want me and promises don't mean a thing to him."
"Hmm! Dinner?"
I refused saying I was full.

As I got ready to board the metro to home, he called out my name softly.

"Apurva, let me escort you back home."
"You don't have to take the pains, I'll manage." I replied.
"No, I will come."

I didn't say anything because I knew it wouldn't make him change his mind. In 20 minutes, we were at my station. We walked down stairs together.

"I can go now, you should be heading back home too. It's already late," I replied.
"Yeah! I had a nice time with you. Good night and take care."
"Same here Ashish," I said and moved towards the exit.

"Apurva," he called out.
I turned around with a blank expression on my face.
"Would you mind if I accompany you to such silent walks all my life?" he asked.
"Life is a big word Ashish, I can't give you that liberty but yes, I wouldn't mind some more silent walks so as to ascertain if I'll be able to walk with you throughout my life."

We smiled at each other as I closed a chapter of my life just to begin an altogether new book.